Over the years I’ve heard two very dichotomous quotes examining our experience of an absent loved one. The first: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” The second: “Out of sight, out of mind.”

I’m missing Patrick very much right now and it occurred to me that I finally could reconcile these quotes and through missing him as much as I do, I realize I now believe if we don’t really love someone that much, they will be out of mind when they are out of site. And if we really do love someone, the feelings within our heart will grow when we take space.

I’m appreciating the gift of loving someone so much. I feel like the last decade of my life was romantically very difficult and in many ways, tragic. I’m elated to have such a beautiful partner and to have the experience of missing him.

My love, my love, my love….

As I was walking toward the door, a tall male Caucasian with big, not-so-brushed-hair, a baseball cap and outstretched arms approached me. I tried to side step him and he stepped back in my path. Again I tried to side step him, and again he stepped in my path, the entire time walking forward. I took out my headphones and looked him square in the eyes, thinking, “I can take him…” and I attempted once more to side step him and and step back. He continued to approach me and I said, “Dude, get the f*ck away from me.” I pushed him with my left hand out of my space and walked brusquely past him and directly into the WalGreen’s. I walked inside, a bit stunned, aware that the look on my face was not normal. A woman at the counter (customer side) asked, “Did that man just accost you also?” To which I replied yes.

She asked the man (he might have actually been a teen, I’m not sure — he looked young to me) behind the register to call the police. The register guy went outside and because he didn’t see the guy, he didn’t call them.

While I was standing at the register, two people walked in and asked if they sell cigarettes there. WalGreen’s, apparently, no longer carries them. I thought that, at least, was good news.

July 3, 2006

July 4, 2009

July 6, 2006

July 7, 2006

July 8, 2006

July 10, 2006

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July 17, 2006

July 18, 2006

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July 24, 2006

July 26, 2006

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July 28, 2006

July 31, 2006

You undeniably made me who I am — in all the ways you encouraged and discouraged me. All the ways I fought you taught me; all the ways I listened to you taught me as well.

I feel grateful that you’re my Mother. You’re an amazing woman who is a ground breaking individual in her own right. I hope you know that is how I hold you in the world. You often inspire me.

I hope when you think of me you’re not too embarrassed by how weird/unusual I am. When I tell you that it is a gift in more people’s lives than you could count, I mean it. I have countless stories of how the mindset of and the school has changed people’s lives (have you ever read the Flowology Mindset?). One of my favorites is about how one of my students walked into her synchronized swim team meeting and one of her teammates who didn’t know about the Temple from her found the mindset on line and printed it out, asking the coach of the team to use it as a guideline for how they all played together. How cool is that to be putting it out on the internet and have some random person ask another person to use it as the official team philosophy?

I guess my point in all of this is that as I’ve written my will, I’ve reflected on all the times where we have not always seen eye to eye. Despite it all and in many ways because of it, I am who I am and where I am. Your clear and undeniable contribution to me being who I am spreads through the world as my work avails itself to more and more clients each day.

So I thank you for the gift it has been for me both in my own life and in the way I get to share it with other’s in their lives.

I imagine in the great ether of the universe we (the soul) may choose the parents whose lives we come into. I wonder why I choose (if in fact that happened) you and Dad sometimes — I often feel like my relationship with the family makes no sense.

But when I look at it through the eyes of the clarity of my work ethic, commitment to excellence, strength of will, leadership capabilities, brilliant mind, cognitive development, reasoning skills and the profound sense that it doesn’t matter what stands in my way I will make it happen, I’m clear much of that in me is a result of who and how you and Dad have been in my life.

So thanks. Which seems like such a small thing to say in response to all you’ve given to me. But sometimes appreciation, even this small, means something. And I wanted you to have that since hey, one never knows when the end will come.

Love love love!
The daughter (formerly known as) Lisa.

- inverted thread the needle (mike)
- inside weave (noel)
- 1.5 weave
- pendulum weave
- tangle
- hyperloop
- airwrap
- inverted weave
- infinite weave
- split time flower 2×1 big/little petal
- hybrid antispin butterfly
- uhs bfly with lockout on side in split time.

Lexi had her new hairdo going on with the awesome dye job Matthew and his assistant did for her — To be honest, when she said she wanted purple hair, I had thought of Steve Freed’s crazy mohawks when we lived together at the Poof all those years ago and the manic panic brightness of color you see at Burning Man all the time. I was surprised at how subtle and beautiful the purple looked and was quite impressed.

Anyway, this being the girls last day in town, we went out to the beach and got a great sunset just before the fog rolled in. It was actually great timing and since we hadn’t had the weather during the week at sunset previously, I was grateful to give the girls an opportunity to touch the other ocean that bounded this continent. I hadn’t touched both oceans until I was well into my 20′s so I was glad to facilitate it for them at a younger age.

It was, in typical San Francisco summer style, not warm on the beach, so I was grateful for my cat hoodie (thanks Josie!) because my bald head was cold.

We collected shells, coral, rocks and of course beach glass, played around in the surf, enjoyed the sun going down, played with the camera and finally piled back into the car just as the sun faded over the horizon and the fog covered what might have remained of it. A really fun last evening and I was glad the whole trip had ended on such a positive note.

At the time, I was quite exhausted from the whole trip. Because I am so accustomed to relating with adults, I had no idea how to build rapport with Courtney and Lexi and I consistently wondered if they were actually having a good time or not. I remembered thinking, “How do parents do this?” And I thought of my own parents having five children and was more clear than ever my purpose on this planet is not to be a parent. With time and space having passed from their visit (I write this November 25, 2006), I have a much more keen appreciation of the experience and I would absolutely do it again. Of course, it would be much easier next time since I know them a bit more now and I have a better idea what to expect. I hope when they think back on the trip they will remember it with some fondness, as I do.

Of course, they weren’t nearly as entertaining as the penguin feeding was. It was very interesting to hear their talk on the penguins and I discovered that Jim has always had a love of penguins. Who knew? This emerald green snake is probably my second favorite picture of all of the ones we got on the trip. The color on the snake is so vibrant — it is truly amazing.

I wish you could actually see more in the penguin tank. Most of the pictures from the aquarium were not that visible — I guess it has something to do with the lighting and water and basic physics… go figure.

I suppose that is one way to plunge yourself into dis-identification with your stuff.

I created this image to honor them, that they would rise from the ashes… reborn.

Erin’s an inspiration to me. She is living her dream and is recently engaged to an equally awesome being. Check her out if you need to hire a performer and we’re already booked.

Aaron bought me flowers some time ago, and not remembering what I had said I liked, made up a flower name — the Moonlight Iris — and brought that to me as a gift. It was a beautiful gift and now iris’ are my second favorite flower. I still prefer the intoxicating smells of the lily.

Of course, I also am growing increasingly appreciative of side split right anti-spin flowers and I even got a cool photo of that at the Palace of Fine arts taken by Charles Russo.

Great Jedi Master Yoda said many inspirational things, including this one: Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’

The quote cracks me up because of the truth in the deception of the quote… in that one has to try before one can actually do, and once one has done, one knows they no longer need to try and instead they simply can do.

What a long path that can be some times and what a fun gift that is!