The doctors said piano definitely needed to go. So poof, there it was — my first form of communication and self-expression and my primary language out the door.

I then found poi, 2 years later, which became my second form of self expression.

I’ve done more to change the art form (and world) through poi in 10 years than I did with piano in 25.

Recently my RSI has been so bad that I wonder if I will need to give up Poi as well and not only do I feel the pain in my body from the RSI, I feel the deep pain in my soul caused by the fear and real possibility of that outcome.

I’m even more connected to it now because I just saw Billy Joel (and elton john) in concert. BJ was the largest influence in my life as I grew up as an idol, role model, artist, composer, musician and of course, pianist. I’m painfully aware of my deep, deep, deep well of sadness for the loss of that aspect of myself (pianist) right now even as I confront the possibility of having to lose another aspect of myself (poi artist).

So here I am… raw, scared, vulnerable and in pain…

They say that these are not the best of times
But they’re the only times I’ve ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own
Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lovers’ eyes
I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It’s either sadness or euphoria

And so we’ll argue and we’ll compromise
And realize that nothing’s ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same
Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
A reason coexists with our insanity
And so we choose between reality and madness
It’s either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don’t fulfill each other’s fantasies
So we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It’s either sadness or euphoria